Kirker Butler's "Pretty Ugly"

Kirker Butler has worked as a lifeguard, a country music DJ, a Tommy Hilfiger Jeans specialist, a medical supply deliveryman, a Christian music DJ, a bartender, a precious jewelry clerk, a prop PA, a telemarketer for a comedy club, a wedding DJ, a brewery waiter, a videotape editor, an entertainment news producer, an actor, a bouncer at a nightclub (one night), a host at a different nightclub, a singing telegram guy, a receptionist at Neiman Marcus, and the set decorator for N’SYNC’s first “I Want You Back” video.

Today, Butler is a two-time Emmy nominated writer and producer who has written for Family Guy, The Cleveland Show, The Neighbors, and Galavant. His graphic novel, Blue Agave and Worm was published in 2010. Additionally, Butler has written for The Academy Awards, E! News Daily, and the WB series What I Like About You.

Here Butler dreamcasts an adaptation of his new novel, Pretty Ugly:

Knowing the current state of Hollywood, I’m assuming that if they make my book into a movie, at least half of the cast will be Australian. That being said, the book is set in Kentucky, so I am going to play this game by casting only actors from Kentucky.

My first choice for Miranda, the former pageant queen and current stage mother to a champion child pageant contestant, would have to be Jennifer Lawrence (Louisville). There is no bigger star from Kentucky than Jennifer Lawrence. She’d be perfect… except that she’s a bit too young. I would then say that maybe she could play Courtney, the teenaged “other woman,” but she’s a few years too old. So, I guess I would have to say Jennifer Lawrence. I mean, of course it has to be Jennifer Lawrence. What am I, an idiot?

Ray, Miranda’s husband, could be played by either George Clooney (Lexington) or Johnny Depp (Owensboro) because it’s a Kentucky state law that you have to bring up these two names any time you’re talking about famous people from Kentucky. Ray is an overworked nurse who’s having an affair with the orphan granddaughter of one of his hospice patients, Courtney (Jennifer Lawrence). I think someone like Rob Riggle (Louisville) could pull this off pretty well. He seems like a regular guy from Kentucky, which he is, so it’s perfect.

Miranda’s mother, Joan should be played by my friend Becky Ann Baker (Fort Knox). You might know her as Lena Dunham’s mother on Girls, but she’s also an established stage actress who is incredibly funny, and would kill this part in a million different ways. She also helped me get my first job, so I owe her one.

I like Ashley Judd (Ashland) as Theresa, Miranda’s primary nemesis. Ashley seems like she could hold her own in a fight while also staying glamorous. She’s also a rabid UK basketball fan, and could probably get me some really good seats.

Harry Dean Stanton (West Irvine) could play Courtney’s grandfather, the terminally ill Marvin Daye. We wouldn’t even have to use a lot of makeup.

Loretta Lynn (Butcher Hollow) and My Morning Jacket (Louisville) could collaborate on the soundtrack. Even if this never happens for this movie, can we try to get these guys to make music together? That would be awesome.

John Carpenter (Bowling Green) has directed some of my favorite movies, but let’s not forget that George Clooney is also an accomplished director. So, Clooney should direct, or if he’s not available maybe Jennifer Lawrence could do it.

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The Page 69 Test: Pretty Ugly.

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--Marshal Zeringue