Julie Klam's "Please Excuse My Daughter"

Julie Klam graduated from New York University’s Tisch School of the Arts and was an intern at Late Night with David Letterman. She went on to write for such publications as O, the Oprah Magazine, Rolling Stone, Harper’s Bazaar, and Glamour. She was also nominated for an Emmy as a writer for VH1’s Pop-Up Video.

Her new book is the memoir, Please Excuse My Daughter.

Here Klam develops some ideas about the cast and director should her memoir be adapted for the big screen:

As a former NYU film student, I’m pathetically proficient at imagining my life as a movie. When I stand on the prescription line at Duane Reade, I think, “If Sean Penn was the pharmacist this wait would be so dramatic, so compelling.” That said, my book Please Excuse My Daughter (Riverhead) is a memoir, it’s about my life, a life that I think sounds very much like a movie (if you like the kind of movies where people wait on line at Duane Reade).

When I was on my book tour, my hands-down favorite question anyone asked me was “Who’d play you in the movie?” My response was always, “Is Ethel Merman dead?” But really? For real? Well….

The constellation of the plot of Please Excuse My Daughter revolves around six key figures; me, my mother, Marcia; my father, Paul; my therapist, Margot; my ex-convict/Mafioso ex-boyfriend, Joe; and my fabulous husband, Paul.

Here’s the cast as I wish it:

Me, Julie - Jennifer Aniston or Kate Winslet (I love them both each in different ways, maybe they could share the role like Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen in Full House)

My mother, Marcia - Cher

Margot, the therapist – Michelle Pfeiffer

Joe, the bad guy – Colin Farrell

My husband, Paul – Vince Vaughn (I think Jennifer would like that, maybe if Kate did it we’d have Daniel Day-Lewis)

My father, Paul – Alan Arkin at his most Arkinesque

In terms of direction, I’d love to see it in the hands James L. Brooks.

[Disclaimer: If anyone options the book, I’d change my submission in a heartbeat and swear that you’re who I always wanted.]

Learn more about the book and author at Julie Klam's website and her blog.

--Marshal Zeringue